I invite you to visit my new blog in Spanish (sorry for those who can’t speak Spanish!):

Desde la saudade

I don’t have time. I am meeting a friend in ten minutes. But I can’t resist. I need to write about my feelings after three months far from Glasgow, in Spain.

I thought I wouldn’t want to write on this blog again.  I thought this would be just a memento from my stay in Glasgow. But I haven’t been able to resist.

I miss the rain!!!

I miss speaking English!!!

I miss hearing “aye”, “wee” and all those lovely Scottish words.

My favourite band is back. This is their new clip:

<<<Song: Marlango – Hold me tight>>>

When I arrived in Spain last Christmas after having spent three months in Glasgow, I loved this slogan. Now, I am in Spain again.

“Later, I got thinking about safe sex. Odd how only when our physical life is at risk, do we follow certain guidelines to protect ourselves. What about our emotional lives? Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a little pamphlet to warn us what behaviour might be high risk to ourselves or our relationships? Even if you take all the precautions and emotionally try to protect yourself, when you crawl in bed with someone, is sex ever safe?”

Carrie Bradshaw’s column (Sex and the City)

What can I do?

<<<Song: Lantana – Siempre>>>

The last time I was going to write post for my blog, I was going to start saying that sunny days in Glasgow can be quite inspirational. But, actually I didn’t find inspiration to compose a post.

Today, it’s not sunny at all. On the contrary, it’s been raining heavily. Now it is just cloudy. But I don’t care, I am at home. It can pour: I won’t care.

I suppose I am now using my blog to talk to someone as if it were a friend. But I cannot really tell here what’s going on with me… It’s actually a mix with physical and moral unwellness. I may go to the doctor tomorrow.

How long am I still going to be on probation? When can I start enjoying life? When are problems going to stop appearing in my life?

I don’t really miss Spain, but I miss my friends and my family. Here in Glasgow, everybody seems to be very busy. In Spain, my friends would always find a moment for me, would be with me in trying moments. Just the way I do with them. It seems that here the rules are different, or simply, people don’t care enough for me.

What was I expecting, anyway?

<<<Song: Amaral – Sin ti no soy nada>>>

I try to survive and I don’t know why. Different deaths attack me. Different sadnesses.

Once you think about your own death, about the possibility of dying unexpectedly, you regard life in a different way. But sometimes you forget.

I know I fear death because I live in future: I will do, I will enjoy, I will go, I will kiss, I will be loved…

I want to be irresponsible.

Irresponsible. I want to be able to forget. I want to stop remembering. But once you see the light… Oh, yes, once you see the light, what can you do?

<<<Song: Arcade Fire: Intervention>>>

My life (or my mental life) is far too complicated. I don’t have fixed ideas. I try to learn, I try to not to say “I love you” if I am not sure. I don’t say “I like you” to the first person that listens to me.

Sometimes I miss Spain, Southern Spain. Sun, happiness, party, relax… But I love Scotland too.

<<<Song: Bebe & Los Delinqüentes – Después>>>

<<<Song: Pauline Croze – T’es beau>>>

I am totally lost. I don’t know when to sleep. I don’t know who to talk to if I need to tell my secrets. I don’t know where to turn…

It’s easy to say “they lose out if they don’t want to be with you…”

I am hungry and I have just eaten. I am sleepy and I don’t remember when I last had a sleep. I have two gray hair. I don’t want to study but it’s all I have.

Yes, I am totally lost and there’s no one to help me.

I have a map, but it is difficult to follow.

I am angry with the world…