Archive for the ‘life’ category

There are some debts you’ll never pay

21 March, 2007

I try to survive and I don’t know why. Different deaths attack me. Different sadnesses.

Once you think about your own death, about the possibility of dying unexpectedly, you regard life in a different way. But sometimes you forget.

I know I fear death because I live in future: I will do, I will enjoy, I will go, I will kiss, I will be loved…

I want to be irresponsible.

Irresponsible. I want to be able to forget. I want to stop remembering. But once you see the light… Oh, yes, once you see the light, what can you do?

<<<Song: Arcade Fire: Intervention>>>

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I have to fly

12 March, 2007

My life (or my mental life) is far too complicated. I don’t have fixed ideas. I try to learn, I try to not to say “I love you” if I am not sure. I don’t say “I like you” to the first person that listens to me.

Sometimes I miss Spain, Southern Spain. Sun, happiness, party, relax… But I love Scotland too.

<<<Song: Bebe & Los Delinqüentes – Después>>>

Silence

12 January, 2007

Today I took the last subway (we say “subway” in Glasgow, like Americans) from St. George’s Cross. In fact, from Hillhead to Kelvinhall my carriage was empty. I was alone. I tried to invent a metaphor from it, but the journey Hillhead-Kelvinhall takes less than a minute. I forgot to discover that metaphor.

I am sad, for I feel lonely. And I don’t know how to eliminate this loneliness. I don’t really know if finding Mr Right would be the solution.

I have been chatting with a friend who is now in Spain. We have talked about love, life… He is a philosopher. He has made me think in a different way about my current personal situation. He has said something I really need to reflect on:

“I don’t want to need someone to defeat my loneliness; I want to need someone because I love him, not because he will fill my loneliness with his company.”

I leave a link to his blog here (sorry, it’s mostly in Spanish!):

Espacio de Josepdely

 

<<<Song: No song today>>>

It’s a different world

27 December, 2006

Nothing is happening in this side of the world. I am just trying to relax and think about my life. My city is degrading. My city is inhabited by scatterbrains. I feel very apathetic. I sleep, and connect to Internet. I listen to music and drink tea I have brought from Scotland. And some shortbread, oh yes!

I don’t have many thing to tell. In Glasgow I will get inspiration.

<<<Song: Martha Wainwright – When the day is too short>>>

Forget what we’re told before we get too old

6 December, 2006

Wednesday afternoon. Routine? That’s up to me.

My blog is unsuccessful. I knew it would happen. I haven’t told my friends about it. Who will read me if Technorati couldn’t care less about my blog? Well, I write this blog as a diary. So, if you find it, be grateful… you’ll be reading a secret diary. Not many people will have such a chance.

My life is changing very quickly. One day I think something, the following day I may think the contrary. My life in Glasgow is not bad at all. It could be better, of course. But I don’t regret about coming to study here. I just think I need time to meet that interesting people I am waiting for. After three months I still believe I will find interesting people. The problem is not the fact that there are no interesting people (indeed, there are a lot!), it is that I don’t know if they will want me as a friend.

I feel I haven’t got enough time to cope with this city and get the best from it. What if I find love at the end of my stay? Well, I told a friend that I would remain in Glasgow for love, and I am keeping it.

This evening I have nothing to do. Well, I could study… but that can wait. I have all Christmas to do it, as I will probably be bored in my house in Spain. I should go to a gay pub and try to meet some people. I don’t really like gay pubs because generally people in those places are quite superficial, but you can always meet someone who is worth it.

I have no one to go with, but, anyway, it’s something I have to do on my own if I really want to meet someone.

Well, we’ll see.

<<<Song: Snow Patrol – Chasing cars>>>