Archive for the ‘melancholia’ category

A feeling of dread

30 November, 2006

Night has already fallen. Wee orange lights, or Glaswegian panorama. Eighth floor, I can see it all. It’s raining. The heating is low. I am a bit cold. What will I do?

Is this going to be the end of my day? Wet way back home… Some music in my ears. Closed eyes and wind on my face. Eating the same, day after day. Didn’t I say I would do things I had never done? I don’t know how, I am a coward. I need someone to fill my live. To guide this lost soul that I am. Sometimes I am afraid of being alone forever.

Is this melancholia inherent to an Erasmus experience? Yes, I am an Erasmus student. I am not drinking all day. I don’t have sex with everything that moves. Somehow, I am proud of being different, but there’s a price I have to pay. I knew that, I was told that. I am here and I am still different to the rest.

<<<Song: Belle and Sebastian – Slow Graffiti>>>


Fasten your seat belt again

30 November, 2006

236094576_c41cca006f.jpgI am thinking of doing things I have never done. Going alone to places I have never been to. Just in case I find my way. Now it is raining. Gently. I am starting to like this weather. It’s melancholic, just like me. I don’t cry so often, but I’d like to.

Is Scotland my place? After three months in here, I am used to it. Sometimes, I am afraid of being unpolite. I say “thanks” all the time. It is so different. Spain is just so different to this. Time will say which is my place.

<<Song: Najwa – Just in case>>